A Poor Decision with an Afterword by My Libido

I don't get out very often. When I do I seem to put myself in weird situations. Before last night, the last time I 'went out,' I ended up in a basement of some foreign students' house dancing to Bulgarian club music. It was very odd. There was a lot of fist bumping going on. So last night I was checking stupid ol' Facebook and I saw that there was an improv show being performed by the group that I'm technically in but haven't gone to in months. I figured, I didn't have anything else going on, I could use some social interaction. So I smoke a bit and then head over to the show. About two hours of lovely comedy later and I was talking to one of my friends that I made from the club since I hadn't seen him in a while. The show had been over for a bit and I was asking him what he was up to after the show and he said that usually after a show the guys get together and party and he asked if I would be interested in going. So I agreed. I otherwise would've just gone home, got more stoned, watched a movie, fallen asleep weirdly early and then woken up bored and ashamed. The latter part of that sort of happened anyway, but let me continue. So after inefficient plan-making had subsided I went back to my place to grab all the necessary Evan-going-to-a-party essentials: Small amount of weed, lighter, condom, chapstick, eye drops. Time passes, insignificant things happen, eventually my friend Brian and I are sitting outside the house of the party we're about to go into, smoking rum flavored cigarillos, having a chat. Once finished we go into the house to find that every person at this party is in the kitchen, and that every person at this party consists of five people. Not at all what I was expecting, but hardly a bad thing because it was the dude who lived in the place and four random, good looking, quick witted, wildly responsive girls. Brian immediately said to me how sorry he was and that he let me down, but I didn't care at all because I was getting along great with these girls. Eventually we all were relatively drunk, the girls more so than the rest of us, and we made our way into the living room. Again, time passes, insignificant things happen, and the girls who earlier had apparently been talking about their lesbianism, as most close girl friends do, likely to piss off the males in the room, decided that it was time for them to go to another party and that we were invited. Brian immediately asked the host if he thought that us going would be a good idea and he said that personally, he wouldn't. I didn't really give a shit what this dude thought at this point because he had made it very clear that he didn't really want those girls in his place anymore, which made no sense to me at all. Brian was hesitant, but I told him that I'd be more than happy to go with them, if anything for the sheer entertainment value that surely would come with whatever party they were going to. I'll be honest though, in my mind's eye, it was a distinct possibility that I could've slept with one of those girls. They all loudly admitted to always wanting to fuck hipster dudes. I don't usually act like a hipster dude, but I'm very aware that I dress like one, and they said this directly after commenting that I was wearing skinny jeans, slight v-neck and a hoodie. I mean. It is impossible for me to know what these girls were really thinking, but for all I know they were just telling me that they wanted to fuck me! So, they leave, and I'm in a room with three other dudes. I wasn't previously aware that one could piss off the past, future, and present versions of oneself with a single inaction. I accomplished that last night. Now, I remembered the most interesting girl's name so I looked her up this morning and managed to find her: we're interested in A LOT of the same things. It gets better. Around people I don't really know, the drunk/stoned version of myself is just an exacerbation of my sober self, so I don't say anything because I don't like being shunned and physically ostracized. After half and hour, or so, the rest of the party shows up, all dudes and one really attractive girl who was dating one of them. Most of these guys are in the improv group that I haven't showed up to for months with no explanation. It was extremely uncomfortable for me because they were all good and drunk/stoned when they showed up and I didn't have a single word to say to them. Summary: I was invited by four good looking girls to go and party with them, but instead I decided to get stoned in a circle with a whole bunch of dudes who probably didn't really want me to be at their party in the first place. I know I don't usually do this, but if I see the more interesting girl around, I'm going to do something about it. I wish all of my friends were up here. No. I wish I would've gone with those girls. That is the only thing I care about right now.

This is likely going to be read as a wildly sexist comment, but seeing as I haven't had sex with anyone in about five months I'd just like to say something purposefully ignorant: Depression is something I truly don't understand, because if this friend of mine gets to sleep with his unbelievably sexy girlfriend on a frequent basis, and still thinks terrible things of his life, then he is surely experiencing something beyond my comprehension. Seriously though friend of mine..I just want your girlfriend to stand in front of me, perpetually bending over/walking in place for the rest of my life. I have a weakness for girls with perfectly shaped asses. I should've gone to that fucking party.