"Best Friendship"

I desperately don't want to talk to anyone about this and I'm unnecessarily on the edge for it being 3:47 in the morning. I hope this doesn't last long, but here goes. I think a dramatically important aspect to best-friendship is for there to be mutual love and respect. I think best friends should rarely find it within themselves to be really mad at each other. I consider myself to be a person who has a few best friends, in the sense that I have several people in my life who are in tune with a lot of different facets of who I am as a person and who comfortably understand me, to a greater or lesser extent beyond perfectly. Since I consider this the case, I also think that if and when circumstances present themselves wherein one friend has to tell the other friend how much of an asshole they are being, that should be appropriate. I shouldn't be getting mad at my own "best friend," who rarely listens to what I say unless the time or situation suits him, anyway, but here I am, sitting in my bedroom, wishing I could calm myself down. All I wanted from him was a response. I wanted a lot of other things from him too, but when it really comes down to it, all I wanted was some engagement in a conversation. I want this kid to realize that everything can't always happen on his terms and that some times things need to happen my way, you know, to create the distinction between democracy and fascism. They rarely if ever do, but I feel like give and take should be a fundamental part of any relationship, be it societal, private, public, or what have you. I've had this exact conversation with this kid many times trying to explain to him that I matter in this friendship, but it never really does anything. So. Once I get what I want from him, which is less ideological and more physical (i.e. he has a whole bunch of illegal substances that I've paid for already and thus really would wish to have in my possession), I'm just going to ignore most of what he says. Under regular circumstances I would only propose this idea in theory. The unfortunate nature of this friendship now is that he doesn't really want to listen to what I have to say anyway and he is becoming someone that I no longer see myself as and therefore don't really want to inundate myself with. So. Dude. If you're reading this, just talk to me. That's really all I want. Otherwise, take the next seven days of me being non responsive as an opportunity to go fuck yourself because you truly bum me out. I hope this is read and done so seriously. I'm unhappy about this. I'm in a blissful and peaceful state of mind about every other aspect of my life at the moment, so this bothering me is doing so to an extent I can't honestly deal with at this juncture. Goodnight. Peace.

Update. As per most issues: in the morning when I woke, I was at peace. It will still continue to bother me when it inevitably happens again. But for the moment all is well.

Women: The Key to Peace

The common and stereotyped perception of women is, well, fucking weird. We put women on such a pristine pedestal that the idea of them farting or pooping (both naturally, biologically inevitable actions) is seen to be gross. The idea of these two actions is seen to be vulgar and therefore synonymous with man. Women aren't even allowed to be sexually promiscuous. But let's consider this shall we? Men treat sex like a game and brag about the amount of women they've slept with. When this is done, they are either celebrated or joked about it a playful manner. When a woman does this, be it in mass, in the media, or just a down home girl having a one-night-stand, girls are immediately seen to be slutty, whores, or worthless for letting their bodies be taken advantage of. I'm not a girl/woman/lady/chick so I can't really speak to how them lady folk think about this, but there is no way this perception is fair. We have this idea that women are only supposed to use their bodies for what is biologically necessary and that if they don't they would be better served as social pariahs to be immediately ostracized. I genuinely don't understand why people, be them male or female, can't simply fuck whomever they want to fuck once, twice, thrice, fifty times, or not, and have that simply be this person's business and if it does become public information, why the quick, simple & immediate response can't just be, "Sure, okay, whatever." or "Shit, I haven't gotten laid since Wednesday, good for them." We live in a time largely obscured by values that don't make any sense but everyone subscribes to them because they are popular. Popularity said, I hope my opinion about this isn't misconstrued into one that I'm only joining in on because it's "out of the mainstream" or whatever subcultural, hipster bullshit the internet places people like me into because I'm not suddenly accepting this philosophy, I just want to talk about it. Guys can so easily get away with talking about the amount of women they've made victim to they're predatorial little game to the extent of simple and easy conversational dismissal, but if a woman were ever to do such a blasphemous thing, she is, and would be immediately, labeled as a fucking (and yes, the inflection on the word fucking is necessary as it implies disgust, frustration, and rage that a member of this angelic, untouchable gender would ever even consider, let alone follow through with, such a deviant act) slut/hussie/whore/slag. Girls aren't even allowed to stand up for themselves without having large groups of men saying, "Just fucking calm down for two seconds will you?" Telling women that they truly have the same rights as men is like saying that racism has been over and done with since slavery became illegalized. All because something is the law, doesn't make it the socially popular, acceptable option, or even a remotely accurate descriptor of the truth. You're not supposed to drive over the speed limit, or drink underage, or download movies, tv shows and music of the internet, or smoke weed every day, or take LSD, or snort cocaine, or inject heroin, or throw your cats and dogs out of a moving vehicle in a fucking paper bag, or threaten bank tellers with pistols or smoothly murder people and bury them in 50 gallon drums of cement or in your backyard, but all of that shit happens all the time. Seriously. All the time. Just because it is the law and it is the social norm, doesn't mean self-important men, and therefore self-important societal groups (i.e. almost all of them that aren't women) should be able to place themselves on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly/lifely basis on a hierarchically superior level than women just because they have a penis. And let's face it, all of the people being assholes, are mostly those with penises. I've been provoked by something over the past three months: I've lived with three dudes who want to put women, queers, and blacks, on an island: then blow the island up. Because according to these lovely gentlemen (who confidently talk about the stupid bitches that they fuck on a biweekly basis) these people are inferior and try to use "science" as their backing argument. Women have a smaller brain and are emotionally unstable, shouldn't be treated with respect, shouldn't be worried, concerned about, or helped, and serve no other arguable purpose other than sucking on our shaft and making our babies if and whenever we feel like having them. What gems the majority of males my age are. What fucking gems. The previous may seem like nonsense, but these fucking people exist and by the state-loads. This writing is starting to agitate me, and this is only one issue about the dissolution that exists around woman's civil rights. To wrap up: on the grand scheme, obviously none of this shit matters. Based on all of my other writings, you understand that. But while we're here, let's not subscribe to delusions. Honestly: if more people empathized with women, the world would be a more peaceful place and people wouldn't be getting laid, more honestly, people would be making casual and true love. Imagine a world where love is supplied casually and not put on the same pedestal as women are today. When guys had sex with girls, they wouldn't fuck them. Rather, they would hold them and spiritually and ideologically become one with them. Even if it was only for a night, or even a moment. Seriously. As a simple solution to all of the world's problems, I think that if guys kissed, caressed, nurtured, and held women deeply in their bodies and minds during sex, much to the point where they felt to be a single, homogenous being with them, the world would become the definition of the word peace: if the rest of the world enjoyed this part of having sex and searched/participated in it as much as I do my best to...just..imagine that world. Seriously. Think about it.

The Trichotomy of Conversation

There is an unfortunate trichotomy as far as genuine conversations with people are concerned. First, people who have enough intelligent things to say, a great pondering of the universe, life and its many facets, etc and a complicated enough imagination to say these things to another person rarely meet each other, due to there being few of them. Second: conversation is a dialogue and not a monologue; high voltage personalities usually monopolize on an opportunity to tell another person what they think about things. Third: Mutual interest in the direction, composition, and participants of the conversation is of the utmost importance.

Reality is Dystopia

If I could somehow go back to my home town and not have to see any of my friends, that would be incredible. Having to see how everyone is probably exactly the same and be reminded how much about so many people I simply don't care about, is a thought that depresses my entire being. All I want to do is continue to explore and be purposefully and perpetually isolated from people. Having to leave this beautiful mindset and return to the dystopia that is my other life is a reality I cannot and refuse to cope with at the moment. I realize writing this is perhaps haste honesty, but I desperately don't want to see any of the people who knew me before this trip. I couldn't be more certain about that. I've become far too comfortable being away from them and I wish to never re-experience my previous self. A return home is an ideological death befitting a person with rugged and tougher mental stamina than I. Considering the resulting subsequence is staggering and borderline torturous, as I imagine the reality of the matter will be in three days.