My Intense Disappointment | A Melodrama

I was just written up for drinking on campus. I don't know what the consequences are but I've heard that first offense isn't too bad, it is essentially a slap on the wrist, i.e. $25 fine and a class? I'm not completely sure. I don't care at all. Shit happens. My concerns lay elsewhere. Specifically in the fact that because of my being written up, I won't be able to go to this other party where there is this girl who seriously wanted me to go to the party she was going to and was overjoyed when she found out that I was headed there after I made a stop at this one dude's room. It has been an extremely long time since a girl has sent extremely positive signals towards me and I've wanted to reciprocate. Granted it has only happened a couple times wherein I didn't want to reciprocate. I don't know what it is, but I just don't attract very many girls. That is simply, apparently, just the way it is. The moment I was written up I was instantly disappointed because I knew at that moment that I wasn't going to be able to go to that party and at least talk to this girl. She was clearly interested in me, and those conversations always go wonderfully for me. Sure my ultimate dream goal, as is always the ultimate goal, was to sleep with this girl but I don't even care so much about that (regardless of it being three months since I last had sex or any sort of physical contact with a girl). I am upset because I don't get to make some sort of connection with a person who likes me on an emotional level. Or even just a conversation. Because holy fucking shit balls. I feel like I haven't had a legitimate conversation with anyone in several months. Sure, I realized that I spend a hefty majority of my time stoned watching TV in my room, but my lack of connection with other people, specifically girls, is astonishing. I feel like I'm loosing touch with reality, the amount of time I spend in my own head. The possibility of that happening for me tonight feels even worse when I consider the odds are of that happening. Like I said, girls tend to not like me, so I certainly wasn't expecting anything. That's why I don't want to go to these parties in the first place, well, to be honest it is also because I really don't give a shit about these people and simply don't want to party with them, but even still, the likelihood of one of the more attractive girls being attracted to me is such a small probability that there is hardly a point in me going. People tell me that people are always asking where I am, but I'm sure they don't really care. I mean, why would they? I'm good for some jokes, but unless we're good friends, I'm no good at your party. Your foreign behavior is far too outlandish for the amount of time I've know you. I'm sure I've deviated somewhat from my goal in writing this since it just happened a little while ago so I'll wrap this up. I was written up. I don't get to connect with someone potentially on an intimate warm and fuzzy way. Girls don't like me. I'm going to smoke myself into a stupor because I know that even the possibility of connection won't happen for a while. Deep. Fucking. Sigh. I'm choosing not to reread because I'm sure the hilarity of the melodrama in this piece of writing will amuse me in the morning, or the self-loathing will just make me sad. Either way: Alas, as time goes on, the fact that I'm feeling something for someone, makes me happy. Goodnight.