I'm Pro-Choice. You, are Pro-Life (Anti-Choice).

It's likely that I'm not supposed to be talking about this nor is it a socially acceptable topic so, I've decided I'll do this over the internet because no one wants to talk about it.

So someone I don't know very well (no they don't go to our school nor is it anyone that you probably know,) is pregnant. When my mom told me I asked with a pretty clear idea of what went down, was it planned? The answer was no, as expected. My next question was, 'is the a word out of the question?' to which my mom responded, 'no she's keeping it.' After which I said, 'of course, what with her steady income and stable lifestyle.' Sarcastic comment explanation: Part 2 of my mom's conversation with this young lady's mother was about how she almost was fired for smoking on the job, which she shouldn't be doing because a) its obviously against some rule and b) everyone knows you aren't supposed to smoke when you're preggers. Also by 'her stable lifestyle' I mean that she parties all the time, which is basically the self-explanatory explanation for why she is pregnant.

Now, my point is this that I think she should have an abortion. I mean, how can you seriously think that in nine months you are going to get your shit together enough to be able to support yourself and an extremely needy baby? It's just unrealistic. I mean obviously that would probably be the hardest thing she would ever go through, but she will essentially be ruining her life. Which is what I think about teenagers who keep their unplanned babies. Their lives are over. And you know what? Tough shit. You should've gotten an abortion. Fuck you pro-lifers, Alright? I totally disagree with you. If you take the situation between choosing to 'murder' the fetus and your livelihood, and extrapolate that into a situation where you have to choose between you and some other person living, who are you going to choose? Yourself obviously. Fuck the other person, I want to live. Fuck the fetus, I want to make something of myself rather than my life being a hopeful venture into you being potentially successful. I mean sure, ultimately its your decision whether you get the abortion or not, but I think you need to think REALLY fucking hard about it. Think past 'hmm I think its actually time I had a kid' to how am I going to support this thing? These people who make that decision without thinking deeply about it are being ridiculously optimistic. Yeah! We'll be fine! Everything will work itself out! No. you're fucked. fucked fucked fucked.

I need to stop thinking. When summer comes, if I keep having thoughts that cause me such frustration, I vow to run and sweat it out until I can't move my legs. Immediately following the recovery of my legs, I shall involve myself in a beautiful stupor.

Summer of 2010

Everything about this summer is turning out to be bitter sweet. As time goes on, more and more things make me excited and upset for summer's arrival and subsequent departure.

I'll explain.

Among the things I'm excited for, here are a number of them: Pitchfork Music Festival, (hopefully, if my parents live up to our agreement) Lollapalooza, Tennis with a friend, Graduating, the end of high school, Jordan Creek with my junior buddy, doing several illegal activities, not having to talk to or see the people I haven't liked since middle school every day, going to college, finding out what's going to happen with certain couples, etc

The things I'm not, in any way, excited about include: Having to drive an hour and a half to hang out with one person, having to drive three and a half hours back to cedar rapids to see another, no more sense of normalcy, having legitimate responsibilities, questioning where important friendships will go, etc.

I'll expand.

The 'finding out what's going to happen with certain couples' may be inappropriately placed. I put it under excited because I am very curious as to how things are going to play out among certain people. There are some couples that I couldn't care less about because they are boring, effect me in no way, and aren't really my close friends. Others on the other hand, two of them in particular which appear to be operating in very different ways. If you are confused, what I mean by '...what's going to happen...' I mean whether they are going to break up and end the friendship entirely, or stay together going to different schools, or break up and still be buds, so on. Unfortunately I fear for the depletion of these people's emotional states depending on the turnout. I'll have to take solace in the fact that I'll be there (emotionally not geographically) to try my best to make it any easier for them if that happens.

The sense of normalcy refers to High School, basically. I have a regular schedule in which I operate. Sleep. School. Homework. Computer. I think everyone knows what I mean. Having school to guide us through our days with predetermined class times. Sure college is still school but from what I've heard its, though probably very well thought out, seemingly unstructured. Summer on the other hand is complete chaos.

By questioning where important friendships will go is already an ever happening thought and occurrence. Some people who I've been friends with, during high school at least, I won't feel very bad if those diminish to nothingness. Some I will try my hardest to make sure they don't continue. Whereas others that I want desperately to continue, are going to be difficult, but I will try my very best to keep 'em going. Because I would hate myself for letting two in particular fall away, if ever so briefly they've existed.

I'll conclude and summarize.

My expectations for this coming summer: Fucking Awesome & Remarkably Unfortunate