Summer Event: Emotion and Almost Vomit

Summer Event Number Two

I've reached the point that i no longer want to discuss this with anyone. It's been risen up to too high of a pedestal for it to even be regarded as a natural conversation. I've been going through my whole life and rarely do things take a real emotional toll on me. Example: Movies don't really make me cry unless I'm feeling vulnerable. Only truly sad things that happen to me, make me sad. So how can it be that someone without doing anything except existing bring instant emotion.

I haven't seen this person in two months. It's this person's going away party. The second I see this person I want nothing more than to be with them. So much so that I would even want to live out a plot to a romance film. After about an hour of being with them, around them and with people who are talking about what is about to happen, that being their departure to new york, makes me feel sick. Not like sick of the situation but sick like I want to vomit. Fucking vomit. I thought this shit only happened in the movies i mean jesus CHRIST! The thought of me not being able to see this person. this one person, who i rarely see. this girl. is causing some kind of twisted sick joke making me feel like I'm, literally, about to fucking vomit.

It comes time that I can't stand it anymore. I have to get out of this place. I've been standing talking to practically every fucking person here and I'm about to throw up, it's time to leave. I go up to her and tell her that it's about time i head out. She requests to talk to me in order to make me stay but I without thinking said i don't feel good. We hug for a solid 20 seconds, we pull back, tears start to form in her eyes, i go back in for another caressing 15. I pull out look into her eyes and say goodbye, I'll miss you. I leave listening to the chatter of her and her friends behind me. I go to my car, ask myself what the FUCK just happened, turn on my ipod to some a.c. newman, and guess what. Stomach problem: Relieved instantaneously.

I don't think you understand just how much I blindly 'love' this person. I put love in quotations because I don't know everything about her, I haven't lived with her, I haven't shared my deepest secrets with her, etc. Whenever I watch a romantic comedy and the final scene comes where they find out that they actually love each other she is the first thing that comes to my mind. The thought of dating another girl just makes me thing of all the things that would be inferior to a relationship to this person


Foreground of the 'Conclusion':
This is either the most romantic thing ever or the thing that makes me the most saddest piece of shit who has ever liked a girl.

Conclusion:
I feel so much deep and unconditional 'love' for this one person, who I haven't even gotten to 1st base with, that it makes me almost vomit.

P.S. Do not talk to me about this. The purpose of me writing this was to express to whoever will read my feelings on the situation. Not, to give you something to talk to me about. Seriously. I've had enough. Just don't.

P.P.S. On a lighter note: Mark Sanford has stopped talking about his affair.

edit: Andy from weeds explained it perfectly: It's like an obsession. Everytime they come back you fall right back